Humming

When grief first hits, it sucks the life out of you. You find it hard to breathe. As the days go on, sleep is lost, and you live in a fog. It’s hard to believe you’re able to get through one day, much less another, and then, all of a sudden, a month has passed by, then two.

While some of those effects of grief hang on, others lessen. Something happened a month or so ago that caught me off-guard — I found myself humming. I have always been a big hummer. A song gets stuck in my mind, and I find myself humming it all day long. When grief hit, humming stopped. As a matter of fact, I didn’t want to listen to any music, and still don’t as much as I used to.

Now into my fourth year without him, I find that I’m humming again. It’s not a constant humming that says everything is fine and right, but it is the occasional reminder that it will be alright. God is making it alright in me.

Does it lessen the loss? No, but it reminds me that, just as spring comes after winter, so does song after death. I’ve found my breath again, and that gives me motivation to keep going in this world.

Just this morning, I was enjoying a lazy morning in bed, because it’s a holiday. As I talked to my cat and tried to talk myself into getting up, I realized that I actually wanted to get up, to face the day. Just like humming, it’s another indicator that life does continue after death, and I took a moment to thank the Lord for that little step forward.

I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.*

Are you still stuck in the slimy pit or working your way toward the solid Rock? Be patient, not only for the Lord, but for yourself, for he will use even the hard times, the grief times to teach you of his goodness and grace.

When you do find yourself humming again, give him thanks for the song.

Grace and Peace

*Psalm 40:1-3 (NIV)


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