A Life in Exile

As I reflect on my time in overseas missions, I am so thankful the Lord allowed me to serve both as a single and married woman, because it helped me appreciate both perspectives in team life and service. I can say without bias that my mission family in Cote d’Ivoire, West Africa, was the best at welcoming me into their homes and loving me in good times and bad. My positive experience in that special group of missionaries was instrumental in helping me, once I married, to better serve the singles that joined our teams.

That said, not everyone has such a positive experience on the field. Single workers can be forgotten and neglected. Sometimes they’re viewed as the people who can be called on to do whatever job is needed, from airport pickups to babysitting, because, after all, they’ve got nothing to tie them down. There has to be a happy middle in this bleak picture, and I think there can be. What does it take? Thought, consideration, and even some planning on the part of the larger mission family.

Plan for their arrival.

We pray for more laborers for the harvest field. We post job descriptions and pray that the Lord will provide someone to fill the position. But are we ready when they get on the field? The preparation for the arrival of a single worker should take just as much care as for that of a new couple or family. We also need to realize they are going to need a partner to walk with them through the orientation period on the field. Are they living with another single? We need to pray for that relationship, that God will bless their fellowship and build a bond that brings him glory.

As a team, we need to have a strategy and schedule in place for how they will be oriented to the country, their language learning, and their job. Assign roles for each, and pray as a team for each aspect of their work in your midst. Also, as a team, discuss how they will be serving, what roles they are filling, and who will serve as their direct supervisor. As the team meets and plans for their arrival, it’s also a good time for the team leader to talk about important boundaries when working with single teammates. There should be no question about improprieties between teammates of the opposite sex, so clarify the rules. Also, this is the time to remind colleagues that no one should assume their new teammate is free to help with kids or a project, just because they are single. Everyone should be considerate of their time, talents, and feelings.

Welcome them well.

During the first week I was on the field, I ate each night in a different home of the other members of my new team. How are you introducing new personnel to your team? If you think one big meet-and-greet will do it, guess again. To build effective teamwork, we need to be willing to invite new team members into our homes. Share your story and listen to theirs over a meal. Let them taste and see how you cook, using the foods you find in the markets and stores of your place of service. Share favorite recipes and offer to take them shopping.

Though I had a supervisor, there was also a family who “adopted” me during my two years on the field. They made me a part of their family events, like Christmas and other special times. Single adults can feel especially lonely in the first few months of service and at holidays, so make sure they are welcomed and invited more often during their first weeks and months on the field.

Treat them as adults.

Though sometimes the single adults who arrive on the field are young in the eyes of the team, they are still adults and should be treated as such. This doesn’t mean there is no accountability, but it needs to be as adult-to-adult, not adult-to-child. What helps in this area is when the supervisor makes expectations clear from the very beginning. Some of this is done before they arrive, but most is accomplished in early face-to-face meetings at the beginning of their term of service. When we speak to them as adults and remind them that they are responsible for their actions, then it is clear that the load is on them to act in a way that gives glory to God and does not jeopardize the work of the team.

Make all security and cultural boundaries clear from the start. If necessary, have them sign an online or written document of understanding, so nothing is left to chance. Why do I say all this? Because just as Satan attacks married couples on the field, he also goes after single workers. The difference is that, as a single missionary, they have no one who is with them 24/7, as in a spouse, to notice if something is off or a bad choice is made. The temptation is great and easy to hide. Supervisors need to be accessible to single workers, along with being very clear of expectations.

Don’t forget to show them love.

Even if a single colleague has a roommate or adopted family on the field, they often miss out on being part of a regular community of friends and family. Don’t leave to their supervisor or roommate the opportunity to fellowship and interact with the singles on your team. Host a game night. Take them camping with your family. Invite them over for a special meal. And, as you do, ask about them, how they’re doing, how you can pray for them or serve them, and about their family.

Sometimes a person will hear news from home and be sad they’re missing out or not there when someone is ill or in hospital. Make sure you’re asking about their whole life, reminding them that you love them and care for them and their needs.

When we love on the singles in our midst, we are building them up for the work to which God has called them. We’re also strengthening our mission team and being blessed ourselves by these special relationships on the journey of service. I still keep up with my adopted family from Ivory Coast, and I still hear from the singles I loved on during my years as a married woman. I’ve been doubly blessed, and when you show love to the singles among you, you will be too.

Grace and Peace

If you missed the last Mission Monday post, click HERE, or check out these other posts teams: Did God Really Say: A Crisis of Faith, Running Out of Juice, Square Peg in a Round Hole, To Speak or Not to Speak?, and Finding Friends in Service.