A Life in Exile

What was your status when you first went out on mission? Single, married without children, or married with children? Has it changed since those early days? Maybe you got married at some point. Or, maybe you and your spouse welcomed your first child on the field. Maybe you’ve sent children off to college or back to your home country for work. Or, maybe you lost your spouse or a child while serving.

Any of these events affects our continued views toward service. Some may cause us to return to our home countries, while others lead us to move locations on the field. Today, I want to talk about what it looks like when children come into our lives while we’re in the midst of cross-cultural service.

The greatest news.

We had been serving two years on the field when I found out I was pregnant with our first child. There is nothing more wonderful or terrifying than knowing that you will become a parent to a completely innocent human being! Am I cut out for this? Will I mess up their life by having them live with us in foreign countries? What about school? What about diapers?

All these questions and more ran through my brain in those early days. We were living in Syria, which was not an easy place to serve. It was a great country but isolated in many ways from the West. While my husband almost immediately began to build a crib, I worked to adjust to the changes in my body and mind. In this pre-internet day, I struggled with the distance between me and my mother, who would be my source of all wisdom in motherhood.

I settled into nesting mode, took Lamaze classes, and looked forward to a visit from my parents, which was the highlight of that year. They brought me maternity clothes and baby clothes, loved on me, and assured me all would be well. They left, as I entered my fifth month.

Then we got a call.

We were called into the Interior Ministry where we were informed we had ten days to leave the country, as we were considered a threat to national security. I looked down at my rounding belly and let out, “I’m five months pregnant, how am I a threat to national security?” Not my brightest moment, nor did it deter the man’s decision. We left his office to cry on the shoulders of colleagues and begin packing. Ten days later, we were heading to neighboring Lebanon.

Pregnancy is a special time in a woman’s life. We want to soak in every moment in wonder at the mystery of it all, but life on the mission field doesn’t always give space to such pleasures. Don’t get me wrong, I had my sweet moments, during pregnancy and after our son arrived, but there was a whole lot of anxiety and stress mixed in as well.

I was grateful that we moved into a country that actually had better medical services and doctors. My every need was met, and I delivered a healthy baby boy in a local hospital. Though I didn’t have my family, I did have colleagues who came to check on us and help me navigate the newness of life as a mother. God provided. Three years later we welcomed a second son without the weight of having to move again.

Children and home.

I wish I could say that we remained in Lebanon for all the years our children were growing, but it would not be. We would move three more times during their young lives, changing countries and schools and friends. Learning to navigate change with children takes a lot of prayer and admitting we make mistakes in the process. I know I did. While I could not help the moves, I could help them to find closure and make sure I took their feelings into account while I focused on packing and the logistics of the move. My youngest son still brings up the fact that I gave his Legos away before our final move back to the States (which was also a sudden one). I thought I was doing right by giving him a choice of what to keep, but I should have realized the thing he played with the most would be the one he would want later.

Frequent moves during a child’s life also mean that as parents, we need to establish “home” as soon as possible after any change of location. Favorite toys, cereal bowls, knickknacks, and a child’s room should be our focus in unpacking and settling into a new space. Yes, they will feel at home wherever mom and dad may be, but having their special things also brings comfort and peace.

When I talk to my grown sons now, they have very few memories of those first few countries where we lived. Most come from pictures I’ve kept. While that makes me sad as a mom, I also realize that just like any child, memories fade over the years. However, I also see this as a blessing, as I realize our quick or stressful exits from certain countries had no long-term detrimental effect on them.

If you’ve welcomed a child or children into your life over the years of service, you might be tempted as I was to settle and never move. There is no guarantee you can give this to your children, and sometimes it’s not the best for them. The Lord doesn’t promise us a settled life, but a life on journey with him. I think about the exiles, who walked with their little ones from Israel to the land of Babylon. What did God tell them upon arrival?

“Build houses and live in them. Plant gardens and eat their produce. Find wives for yourselves, and have sons and daughters. Find wives for your sons and give your daughters to men in marriage so that they may bear sons and daughters. Multiply there; do not decrease. Pursue the well-being of the city I have deported you to. Pray to the Lord on its behalf, for when it thrives, you will thrive.” (Jeremiah 29:5-7 CSB)

Wherever the Lord plants you, for however long the season, plant yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally so that you and your children can thrive in the land where you serve.

Grace and Peace

If you missed the last Mission Monday post, click HERE, or check out these other posts on children in service: Lessons Children Teach Us, Frustrated Mothers, A Family of the Word, Questioning Doubt, Tell the Children, and Missionaries Vacation Too.