A Life in Exile

The first day was the hardest, as I found myself wandering into an auditorium I’d sat in many times before. The problem was…the last time I was here, he was with me. For some reason, I didn’t see anyone I knew, so I found a spot and sat down. Over 1000 people, and I couldn’t find one to sit with? Really? Maybe I wasn’t looking, maybe I just needed to get through this first service alone. So I did, but it wasn’t easy.

When the praise team began with hymns, sweet and familiar, with words that talked of God’s faithfulness through trial and strife–well, the tears just flowed. I rebuked myself, as I am nearing the two-year mark. Emotions should not be so raw or fresh. What is this grief curse that rises up when you least expect it?

As I sat alone through the service, my eyes wandered around the room, and I saw others who, though they may have been sitting physically next to another, were also feeling that aloneness that comes with losing a spouse. I am not alone in my grief.

Then my mind thought of the others, who have served their whole lives as singles, finding their fulfillment in Christ alone, but perhaps in moments like these feel the sting of finding a person to sit with, to talk to. I am not alone in my struggles.

I made it through the service, because the One who loves me above all would not leave me alone in my thoughts or grief. I also left the service with an new awareness for those who are going through through this life on their own, whether by choice or not. I will make a conscious effort to speak, to share, to sit beside…to remind them they are not alone, they are part of the family, they are loved.

Who will you see sitting alone at church or the cafeteria or at work this week? Will you speak? Will you love?

Grace and Peace