A Life in Exile

For some reason, as the youngest in my family, my siblings found it easy to get me to do the hard things when it related to telling our parents something we wanted them to do. Maybe, also as the youngest, I grew up learning to handle confrontation and defend myself (think older brothers). These and other life experiences (like twenty years in the Middle East and North Africa) have made me more analytical, thinking through an issue before I respond.

I grew up writing letters—yes, the kind you had to put in an envelope and affix stamps to mail. During my many years away from home, I would receive a letter from a friend or my mother and then have time to reflect before responding. With the advent of email, a new urgency came, and in my quick responses, I sometimes realized I had not fully understood the person’s intentions. Misunderstandings happened. Then came social media, and that threw any concept of understanding out the door. Not only was I responding to people I knew, but to those I kinda knew, had been friends with decades ago, and even perfect strangers. This set the stage for a huge disconnect in communication.

The bandwagon.

As an introvert, I’m not a big fan of going along with the crowd. Those who know me know I usually stand on the periphery at parties or don’t show up at all. Still, online platforms allow me to engage without needing physical space or quiet, so I often try my hand in the game.

As the years have gone by, I see more and more people who claim the name Christian jumping in on various topics. The problem is many are found to jump first, think second. A hashtag, meme, or slogan sounds innocuous, but do we consider the ramifications of what it means down the line? Do we look at both sides of an issue before quickly taking a side? Do we fall into the habits of those of “futile thinking” by calling others derogatory names or labeling them with a specific group without evidence?

What is a Christ-follower to do? Can we undo the damage we’re causing to the name of Christ by loving without borders or taking the world’s side over that of God’s Word? What will it take for us to jump off the bandwagon of society and reclaim a biblical worldview and witness?

Tough love.

I have all these thoughts in mind as I reflect on a recent study of the book of Ephesians. Written by Paul to believers in Ephesus, this letter is unique in that Paul doesn’t address “problems” in the church. Most likely meant to be a circular letter to churches throughout the region, this letter focuses on the need for unity in Christ and how we are to live as Christ-followers. This letter is also filled with love, beginning and based on the love of the Father which led him to send Jesus to make the way for our adoption as sons (Ephesians 1:5).

 God’s desire for us is to be rooted and grounded in his love and to grasp how great his love is for us and the lengths he has gone to show it (Ephesians 3:17-19). What was the full measure of his love for us? The cross. What was the goal of that love? To save us from the sin that separates us from the Father and destines us to an eternity in hell.

So, the love of God reaches out to us despite our sin while recognizing that sin is the problem. That is tough love. It is love with borders, but those borders are to keep us within his loving care and kingdom of light while prohibiting everything that is of the darkness and futile worldview backed by Satan and his demons.

The question is, then: How do we live according to this love? Paul gives us a glimpse in Ephesians.

Bear with one another.

Paul is writing this letter from prison. He knows what it looks like to pay the price for following Christ. He encourages believers to strive toward the unity given them through faith in Jesus. How do they do that? By being people of grace with their fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.

Therefore I, the prisoner in the Lord, urge you to walk worthy of the calling you have received, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, making every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. (Ephesians 4:1-3 CSB)

It is important to note here, that Paul is not talking about our relationship with the world; no, he’s specifically talking about how we relate to other believers in the Body of Christ. To walk worthy of our calling as disciples, we are to bear with each other in love.

What does that mean? Well, it starts with the adjectives of humility, gentleness, and patience. If I respond to a fellow believer in pride, roughness, and impatience, then I’m not bearing with them in love. That’s my first clue to walking worthy of my calling. How often do we check our attitudes before answering an email or posting on social media or speaking face-to-face with a fellow Christian? I’d better check myself, because the world is watching.

Secondly, bearing with others in love, means that I’m recognizing that they may be at a different place in their relationship with Christ than me. Often, Paul talks about helping the weak in the faith and not doing anything that would cause your brother to stumble. We also bear each other’s burdens as believers. All this shows love for our brother or sister, because we are meeting them where they are on the faith journey and helping them to grow and mature into Christlikeness by our words and example.

Speak the truth in love.

Paul writes about how God leads various members of the Body of Christ to differing roles (Ephesians 4:11). Why? In order to build up the Body toward unity—there it is again—unity of the faith and knowledge of the Son of God. It’s all about helping each other grow into mature Christ-followers. What is important about maturity? He tells us:

Then we will no longer be little children, tossed by the waves and blown around by every wind of teaching, by human cunning with cleverness in the techniques of deceit. (Ephesians 4:14)

Maturity keeps us from being swept up in the fads of worldly teaching and deceit. Think back to the futile thinking of the Gentiles.

So, how do we help each other move toward maturity? It takes tough love.

But speaking the truth in love, let us grow in every way into him who is the head—Christ. (Ephesians 4:15)

What is truth? It is God and his Word. Truth is a person, Jesus Christ, and all that he entails. Is the truth always easy to accept? No. Even Jesus’s own disciples had a hard time accepting his teaching. Read the sixth chapter of John’s gospel to see a time when those who followed Jesus struggled with his words about his body and blood. Many even turned away.

If my child wants to touch a hot stove, I will tell him to stop. Does that mean I don’t love him? Or, I don’t want him to be free to express himself? No. I tell him to stop, because I love him and don’t want him to get burned. That’s truth in love. Warning a fellow believer to be aware of deception is not unloving, but loving. We know what happens when a person follows through on sinful thoughts and actions. Out of love, we speak the truth to help them avoid future pain.

Build the church up in love.

As Christians, no matter your gifting by the Spirit, our mutual goal is to build the church up in love. If I am active in a local fellowship but constantly speak against the church or teaching, then I am failing in my role in the Body.

From him the whole body, fitted and knit together by every supporting ligament, promotes the growth of the body for building itself up in love by the proper working of each individual part. (Ephesians 4:16)

What am I doing to actively build up my local body of Christ or the Church universal? According to your gift, you can be praying for the church, teaching, mentoring and discipling, serving, using gifts of administration, praise, and more to lovingly encourage others in their faith. Modeling a Christ-like life and attitude builds the church. Being a cheerful giver supports the work of the Body.

If you are not lovingly building your church you need to ask yourself: Why not? Am I going to church out of obligation or tradition? Do I want to be on the building committee of the church or the demolition crew? What are my actions doing to hinder the unity of the Body? What do I need to confess before God and the church?

Tough love is tough.

None of these things is easy. They require time, prayer, and purposefulness in our words and actions. We must think before we speak and constantly check our attitude.

Without tough love in the Body of Christ, hearts are hardened and minds darkened in their thinking. The futile thinking of the world infiltrates the church and unity is destroyed. Reading the remainder of the fourth chapter of Ephesians shows what is required of us to save our churches. It requires truth-speaking, godly living, and grace. It requires us to be like Christ.

Therefore, be imitators of God, as dearly loved children, and walk in love, as Christ also loved us and gave himself for us, a sacrificial and fragrant offering to God. (Ephesians 5:1)

Our churches are under attack. Christians are falling prey to the lies and deceit of this world. What will it take to save the church? Tough love. I’ll end this post with the final words of Paul to the Ephesians.

Peace to the brothers and sisters, and love with faith, from God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. Grace be with all who have undying love for our Lord Jesus Christ. (Ephesians 6:23-24)

Grace and Peace

If you missed the last Wednesday Wisdom, click HERE, or check out these other posts on love and the church: Walking in His Love: A Study of John’s Letters, 22, A Glimpse of His Wrath, Love Turned, and I Disagree.